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· If you explain something so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.
· Cars prefer to break down on Saturday.
· Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman comes.
· The lift is always on another floor.
· Having bath makes telephones ring.
· If something can go wrong, then it will certainly go wrong.
· Anything that begins well ends badly.
· Anything that begins badly ends worse.
· As soon as you talk about something:
if it's good, it goes away.
if it's bad it happens.
· If you start to do something, you always find that there is something else which has to be done first.
· Most things get worse all the time.
· If it looks easy, it is difficult. If it looks difficult, it's impossible.
· However many socks you have, three of them are always the same color.
· Everywhere is uphill on a bicycle.
· Officials make work for each other.
· Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.
· Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
· Everything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
· You can always find what you're not looking for.
· When something breaks down, there are always two things go wrong. You will only find one of them.
Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Everything takes longer than you think.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
It always costs more than first estimated.
If you try to please everybody, somebody will be disappointed.
It is easier to get involved in something than to get out of it.
Every solution breeds new problems.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, than a fifth way will promptly develop.
If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it.
It is impossible to make everything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.
If you linker with anything long enough, it will break.
By making things absolutely clear, people will become confused.
The more complex the idea or technology, the more simple-minded is the opposition.
The more urgent the need for a decision, the less apparent becomes the identity of the decisionmaker.
If there is a 50 per cent chance of success, that means there is a 75 per cent chance of failure.
Interchangeable parts won't.
In any given computation, the figure that is obviously correct will be the source of error.
Blame will never be placed if enough people are involved.
No matter what happens, someone will credit a pet theory.
A fail-safe circuit will destroy all others.
Identical units tested under identical conditions will not be identical in the field.
After any machine or instrument has been fully assembled, extra components will be found around on the bench.
A dropped tool will land where it can do the most damage (also known as the law of selective gravitation).
Components that must not and can not be assembled improperly will be.
In any given miscalculation, the fault will never be placed if more than one person is involved.
Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable terms.
Any error that can creep in, will. It will be in the direction that will do the most damage.
All constants are variables.
The most logical way to assemble components will be the wrong way.
After the last 16 mounting screws are removed from an access plate, it will be discovered that the wrong plate has been removed.
The probability of a dimension being omitted from a set of instructions is directly proportional to its importance.
If in the course of several months, only three worthwhile social events take place, they will all fail on the same evening.
Things get worse under pressure.
Smile - tomorrow will be worse.
The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
CANADA BILL JONES' MOTTO :
It is morally wrong to allow naive end users to keep their money.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
The higher the "higher-ups" are who've come to see your demo, the lower your chances of giving a successful one.
Every task takes twice as long as you think it will take. If you double the time you think it will take, it would actually take four times as long.
There is always one item on the screen menu that is mislabeled and should read
"ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE"
A bad sector disk error occurs only after you've done several hours of work without performing a backup.
No matter how large and standartized the market-place is, IBM can redefine it.
Your "IBM PC-compatible" computer grows more incompatible with every passing moment.
1) To study an application best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
2) Always keep a record of data. It indicates you've been working.
3) Always draw your curves, then plot the reading.
4) In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
5) Program results should always be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.
6) Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them.
FRANKLIN'S RULE :
Blessed is the end user who expects nothing, for he/she will not be disappointed.
1) At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer, you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.
2) Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
3) Undetectable errors are finite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
4) Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done.
The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.
The first myth of management is that, it exists.
1) Any given program, when running, is obsolute.
2) If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
3) If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
4) Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
5) The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
6) The program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.
7) Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.
Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out.
RHODES' COROLLARY TO HOARE'S LAW :
Inside every complex and unworkable program is an useful routine struggling to be free.
A program generator creates programs that are more "buggy" than the program generator.
There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.
An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
Variables won't, constants aren't.
Murphy was an optimist.
The solution to a problem changes the problem.
Judgement comes from experience, experience comes from poor judgement.
It works better if you plug it in.
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
1) Given any problem containing N equations, there will be N+1 unknowns.
2) An object or bit of information most needed will be least available.
3) Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible.
4) Interchangeable devices won't.
5) In any human endeavour, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious , highly visible to everyone else.
6) Badness comes in waves.
1) After months of training and you finally understand all of a program's commands, a revised version of the program arrives with an all-new command structure.
2) After designing a useful routine that gets around a familiar "bug" in the system, the system is revised, the "bug" is taken away, and you're left with a useless routine.
3) Efforts in improving a program's "user-friendliness" invariably lead to work in improving user's "computer-literacy".
4) That's not a "bug', that's a feature!.
An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
If builders build buildings the way programmers write programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilisation.
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.
As soon as a still-to-be-finished computer task becomes a life-or-death situation, the power fails.